Friday, July 28, 2006
I've waited two years for this day
I thought I’d bring the AGM to a more personal level, because I felt sharing my personal experience from a perspective of a non-default elite of the team would raise the occasion, or event or whatever the hell to a different slant and angle.
The exit from CJC Canoeing left not ripples, but waves. The repercussions of an initial decision to join this team were to be tremendous in my life of the future, and more importantly, right at this very instant as I’m addressing every one of you here who’re sitting down in front of me. The transformation, I believe, to many of you here, are visible. Weighing a whopping 75kilos when I first entered Canoeing, I was a typical loser, no where close to an orthodox perception of this highly demanding sport. I couldn’t keep up when the team ran; I dreaded water trainings because I capsized like it was going out of style. The list goes on. But that isn’t the point that you should be going home with today.
The concept of Fate is something I believe many sitting here today embrace. And at the initial times, I often lamented at this unfairness that arose fundamentally out of this inherent knowledge the relative physical fitness inferiority I possessed. But my life changed, because of the burning desire to WANT TO CHANGE CIRCUMSTANCES. I thought that, even if my Fate was against the odds and that even at the end of the day I know I am predestined to not make it for finals, or maybe not even through Heats of Nationals, I was not going to give up without coming close to smelling a victory. I told myself that I was going to come as close to succeeding even if I was doomed to fail. Such was the attitude and mindset of a fighter that Canoeing has instilled and even drilled deep inside me. Here.
What does it mean to be a Canoeist? Or to be more exact, how much does it mean to be a CJC Canoeist? I fondly remember my defining moment came about when I received my team jersey and jacket. It was like receiving a source of pride although my singlet and jacket were more or less thrown to me as it they didn’t matter to me. It was the proud sense of identity I embraced at the moment, and gladly cherish now. A CJC Canoeist is a disciplined fighter that stands on a moral high ground backed by a strong sense of integrity, commitment, tight sense of focus. We fight because we know we can do it, and more importantly, because we do it. These are the core values that you should be aiming to enrich yourself with, not petty physical desires like getting a tan, bigger brawns and subsequently smaller brains. When you leave Canoeing like we do, all of those will fade away in no time. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. It is the inner spark that never fails to extinguish – the flame that will come a long way in lighting the path before you.
My friends, you will be equipped with a set of tools that draws it fundamentals on mental toughness; and this will bring you far not only in Canoeing, but also in life. There are periods where you will be faced with shrouds of confusion and you lose your sense of direction. It is no use to believe in yourself – The reward comes in value-pack when you look back in hindsight and see that you do not procrastinate. Adopt an attitude whereby you’re never satisfied with yourself, because you only aim to go higher. No less would do justice.
Your path is paved clearly in front of you – Your aims are to firstly get your grades fixed, and only then can you focus on Canoeing. The reality of situation is such that, you have no so called “life” if you want to stay on in Canoeing. Then again, what is a “life”? This is not being antisocial. You can go out once in a while, but do not make it a tradition. The lack of antithesis in this crucial element known as “balance” will be the bane of your Canoeing career. I’m proud to say that I’ve emerged out of this Mid Years with a B, C and D. You must be clear of what you’re fighting for, and never say die or quit halfway at what you’ve set your mind on. Even if you want to call it quits…
Quit the post-training outings and dinners, and focus only on your work and Canoeing. People who lament at their circumstances are not fighters, they’re losers. And the category of people who shift the blame to Canoeing when all goes unwell deserve to be killed, exterminated, and killed again.
Quit being a nice guy. You’ve gotta be an angry 17-yr old to bring yourself to greater heights. I used to be angsty inside because I couldn’t do 10 pullups, because I came in last, because I was slow, and many other bullshit. And that anger fuelled my desire to improve and improve, and improve. During my December holidays, I trained everyday for 2 sessions privately. This isn’t about being selfish, this is about responsibility and living up to the standards of others. Mr Hoi has been most kind in encouraging me to stay on and fight on. Such opportunities do not come by easily. Seize the day, and fight hard. Wearing the jersey carries just about that much responsibility if you want to deserve it.
Stepping beyond the boundaries focusing on the individual, we land on team dynamics. It’s CJC Canoeing TEAM we’re talking about here, not CJC Canoeing ME, as I fondly recall Alicia’s words. The tapestry we’ve woven here has been tinged with sweat, blood and tears – It’s a lot of hard work, and sometimes, jackasses amidst us just fail to appreciate this synthesis that means the world to me. There is a distinct, yet subtle difference between the power hungry, and the leader. As an individual, you should strive to carve out an identity for the team, not destroy it. Today is not only an annual election campaign of some sorts, it’s a chance for you to evaluate your position, and decide if you want to stay on. If you want to, make sure you fight all the way, and make things happen.
It was a mere 15 minutes or so, but these were the 15 minutes of my life. I had so much to say, yet so little time to spare. But basically, the jist of it is presented to you above.
I actually failed to control my emotions during my speech, and broke down half way. It wasn't exactly the kind of tears that fell because of sadness or disappointment and the like, but rather, it was tears of gratitude for Mr Hoi's faith in me.
Such are the priceless (cliche but true) turning points of your life you gain from Canoeing. To compound on what our Principal aka Brother Paul said, the Canoeing experience is worthy of retaining simply because its values and lessons are universal. Through the upheavals you experience in this gruelling sport, you learn new lessons in life that nothing else can match up to. And these are the lessons you can easily translate into other aspects of life, such as your school work. I know it sounds cheesy, but sometimes things are just best kept the orthodox manner.
Digress a bit. This junior of mine caught my eye for some time ago in the midst of a joke my friends and I were sustaining. It started off with this unrelentless search for potential hotties around our life, but ended up somewhat impactful. Well all I have to say's that she's mesmerised me, but the story ends about here.
I think for the benefit of another innocent individual and mankind, I should quit getting into relationships. I've never knew how to truly love a girl as a lover, and don't think I will soon. Sad, but true. Facts hurt most of the time, just like how Alicia was being so terribly fierce yet truly pragmatic and down to earth at the same time today.
I still vividly remember your double eyelids were beautifully accentuated by those terribly beautiful specs of yours (in my opinion anyhow). Add your hair to the list, and you work out so well for me like a perfect mathematical equation.
How nice if we could be good friends. Till then yellow earrings.
posted@9:54 PM